Just Another Failed Pro-Baller: The DoormanMonday, September 24th, 2012
Sadly, not every college football career leads to stardom.
Enter the doorman. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of going to a nightclub(and God forbid you haven’t), you’ve undoubtedly encountered at least one of these gentlemen during your evening escapades. Acting as the ultimate gateway between you and a fabulous night out, these unnaturally large fellows are generally known for their discerning eye and surly dispositions. Oh, and for throwing people out of line at random just fucking because.
Following what we can only assume were multiple failed attempts at becoming a pro-athlete, the doorman personally takes it upon himself to equally shatter everyone else’s dreams of happiness by denying them entry to some of the world’s hottest clubs. You’re a size four instead of a size zero? Gross, stop treating carbs like your BFF and get to the back of the line. You tried to hide your fat friend in between all your hot ones? Nope, he noticed. Suddenly entry is no longer free before midnight for any of you. You’re wearing last season’s Loubs instead of the latest Jimmy Choo’s? How dare you show your face (let alone your feet) in public? You disgust him. Not even your promoter can get you in now.
But who knows? Maybe we’re being a little too harsh on the doorman. It technically is his job to fill the club with beautiful people and create a “chic” ambiance for everyone to enjoy. Plus, he’s clearly earned the right to turn away whoever he wants since he’s worked so fervently at learning the art of opening and closing those tricky velvet ropes the venue owners make him use. Like, we bet it’s super, super difficult not getting tangled in those damned things at least once every night. No wonder he can be such a jackass–his job is like really, really hard. For real.
Written by Erica Washington